


Neil calls the Samaritans

by WriteHereNow



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Gen, Samaritans, Suicide Hotline
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-24
Updated: 2018-06-26
Packaged: 2019-05-27 18:49:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15031007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WriteHereNow/pseuds/WriteHereNow
Summary: This call takes place while Neil is staying with Coach at the beginning of The Foxhole Court. I imagine he's ringing from Coach's landline, which would mean he could still react badly when he receives his first cellphone.





	1. Call from Coach's house

**Author's Note:**

> Notes: Samaritans is a UK-based organisation, but for this story I'm imagining there are US-based branches with the same rules as the UK ones. 
> 
> You don't have to be suicidal to call the Samaritans, you can call any time you are feeling low and need to talk.

S: Samaritans, can I help you?   
N:   
S: You're through to Samaritans...  
N:  
S: Take your time, I'm here when you're ready.   
N: Is this confidential?   
S: Whatever you tell me will stay within Samaritans. I can't see your number and I don't know where you are.   
N: What if I tell you about a crime, or something illegal?   
S: If you told me something about a bomb, I would have to report it to the police. Is that something you want to talk about?   
N: No.   
S: OK. If you told me there was a child in danger, or if I thought you were vulnerable and couldn't make your own decisions, then I would have to tell someone in Samaritans in case we could do anything to help. But if you don't tell me your name and address, it would be very difficult for us to do anything.   
N: OK...  
S: How about if you start telling me what it is you want to talk about, and if it starts approaching anything I'd have to tell my managers about, I'll tell you straight away. Then, if you want, you can just end the call and it won't go any further. Does that sound OK?   
N:   
S: What is it that made you call Samaritans today?   
N: [sighs]  
S: There's no rush, take your time.   
N: It's just... it's hard never to talk about it, but now it's hard to talk about it as well.   
S: I see. It sounds like this has been going on for a while.   
N: I guess around 10 years now. But for most of that time at least my mom was with me. And we still didn't talk about it, but I knew that she knew what was happening.   
S: Your mom's not with you now?   
N: I don't want to talk about that.   
S: That's fine. Who else is with you now?   
N: I was by myself for a while, but then... it got complicated. And now I'm with other people, but it's a really big risk, and sometimes I can't believe I'm being so dumb. My mom would be furious, I'm throwing away everything that she sacrificed for, she'd never forgive me. But I got so tired of being alone. It hurts to wake up alone, and go to sleep alone, and anything could happen to you and nobody would even know that you were gone. At least if I wasn't here tomorrow, these guys would notice that I was missing. I mean, I don't think they'd care particularly, but they'd notice.   
S: When you say if you weren't there tomorrow, can you tell me what you mean by that?   
N: If something happened to me.   
S: Do you think something might happen to you?   
N: I've spent the last 10 years thinking that, and sometimes it did. And now it's even more likely. This one guy here...he knows me. He doesn't realise it yet, but we met a long time ago, just before my mom and I left. I mean, I look a bit different now, but he's bound to recognise me eventually, and when he does...  
S: What do you think will happen?  
N: There are some very dangerous people looking for me, and he knows people who know them, so he could tell them where I am and then they'd come and find me. And that would be bad. But maybe he wouldn't tell them if he wanted to keep me on the team. He's not so impressed with how I'm playing so far though, I can't believe he'd fight to keep me here. I have to play better, so they won't want to lose me... There's another way they could find out, if they saw my binder, but I always keep it locked up. I need a better place to hide it.   
S: Can you tell me more about your binder?  
N: It's got some information in it, about the one guy here and another guy we both know. I guess it would look kind of suspicious if people saw it.   
S: How would you feel about getting rid of the information in the binder?   
N:..  
S:...  
N: It feels bad. I can't explain it. This stuff... it's like seeing the life I could've had for the last 10 years. And I don't have a single souvenir from the life I actually had. I didn't even have a single life.   
S: Can you tell me more about that?   
N: I don't...[whispers] Coach is home, I have to go. [hangs up].


	2. First check-up with Abby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil calls the Samaritans after Abby sees his scars during his physical.

S: Samaritans, can I help you?   
N: Today was kind of hard, and I thought maybe... it's stupid... it doesn't matter. I'm going to go now.   
S: It sounds like it does matter to you.   
N: It's... I don't know. I never talk about them, I'm not even sure I can.   
S: Was today bad right from the beginning?   
N: No, it started off OK, I was thinking about my schedule for... well, you don't need to know all that. But anyway, I'm on this team, and the nurse said I couldn't play until I had a physical check-up...  
S: How did you feel about that?   
N: The first bit was alright, and then she said I had to take my shirt off.   
S: It sounds like you were worried about that.   
N: I knew what would happen as soon as she said it. I told her it wasn't necessary. I knew how she'd react. She told me she wouldn't tell anyone, but I'm pretty sure she will. They're always pushing me to talk to... anyway, I didn't want to take my shirt off but I didn't have a choice.   
S: What happened when you took your shirt off?   
N: She flinched, like I knew she would. I could see her trying to look like it was fine and something she'd seen before, but she wasn't very convincing.   
S: How did that make you feel?   
N: It was irritating, but also it kind of hurt, you know. When normal people look at you that way, like they can't even imagine... They feel sorry for you, and they feel glad that they're not you, and they feel like they ought to do something. Even though it's because they're so normal that they could never actually do anything to help, they wouldn't know where to begin.   
S: Are you saying you don't include yourself as "normal people"?   
N: Are you kidding? Not for a long time. Normal people don't... well, they don't... I don't want to talk about that.   
S: OK. So it was irritating, and it hurt, when the nurse looked at you without your shirt on.   
N: And risky. People see scars like mine, they want to know what happened. And so much happened that it's hard to explain it all with just one cover story. But then if you have to start explaining it with two or three accidents, it becomes even less convincing. And when they're not convinced, they start looking into things, which is a problem.   
S: Why is it a problem?   
N: Because I need people not to see me.   
S: And why is that?   
N: Because the more they see me, the easier he can find me. You understand, I'm talking about ME now. Not Alex, or Stefan, or whoever I'm dressed up as at the moment. I need people not to see ME.   
S: And who are you?   
N: I can't even stand to say it. It makes me feel nauseous just to look at my own eyes in the mirror. You don't know what it's like to see echoes of someone you hate so much, every time you look at yourself, and to be so terrified that you're going to turn out like them, but you don't even have the space to find out what you're like, because every day you have to be someone different as hard as you can. I wish...  
S:...  
N: I can't talk about this anymore. [hangs up]

**Author's Note:**

> If you're in the UK, you can call Samaritans freephone 116 123.   
> Wherever you are in the world, you can email Samaritans at jo@samaritans.org


End file.
